Rumors (and I don't mean the Fleetwood Mac kind)

(NOTE: If you are here for the Six Degrees of Un-Separation Project, my thanks! If you'd like more information about this, please look at the post below. And welcome INDIANA!)

Besides my many responsibilities and pursuance of designer footwear, I engage in a veritable plethora of endeavors. Clearly, one of my favorites is using words with eight or more letters. Another favorite is starting rumors. About myself.

It came to my attention a number of years ago that my workplace is rife (okay, that was four letters, but I get extra points for rife’s infrequent usage in everyday lingo) with rumors. I met this conundrum head on. I figured I could wait for the rumor mill to suck me beneath its dirty, little wheels -- or I could be proactive. You know which one I picked.

I decided to take a little control of the situation and start my own rumor. Now, I work with well over 4,000 people, and I literally see most of them every day. Every. Day. So, I told a few people that I wanted to try an experiment-- play a little “occupational-telephone-game, ” if you will-- and asked for their help. Here’s the rumor I chose for myself: I have a wooden leg.

Now, I certainly do not mean to offend anyone with a prosthesis, but I wanted to pick something concrete as my first rumor. New as I was to rumor mongering, I felt I should start with something relatively neutral. A prosthetic leg seemed perfect.

So, the rumor was hatched and put into action. I did my part by walking with a slight limp, but just to keep things fresh I’d alternate which leg I limped on.

Two weeks later one of the people in on the experiment engaged in the following conversation:

Stranger to Me/Rumor Believer: Dude. Did you know Trish has a wooden leg?
Friend Helping With Experiment: No. Tell me about it.
S: She has a wooden leg. Ever notice her limp?
F: No, I haven’t. Which leg?
S: Her left.
F: You sure?
S: Yeah. Dude, I’ve seen it. It’s darker than her other leg.
F: It is?
S: Watch, watch, watch! Here she comes. See how one leg is a different color?
F: But she’s wearing a short skirt and open toed shoes. Those look like her real toes. I mean, they are wiggling and everything.
S: No, they aren’t. You can totally tell. Besides, see the difference in leg color? That gives it away every time.

I pass this story on to you for two reasons: One, people will clearly see whatever they want to see, and often what they see-- even if it involves you in some way-- has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It has to do with THEM and what THEY have worked out in THEIR OWN LITTLE MINDS. (For example, my legs are the same color. I've asked multiple people to confirm this. They all agree. In fact, I am so fair, I am virtually pigmentless. I couldn't tan my legs if I tried. Clearly, this leg hue discrepancy was the product of an overactive imagination.) Two, if you see a train coming down the track (like a rumor train, perhaps), you may not want to jump off the track. You may just want to run forward. Beat the train to the punch, if I may mix metaphors.

Since the wooden leg, I have also dated Jon Bon Jovi (if you ever hear anything about him having a terrible scar due to a botched appendectomy, that was ALL ME) and inherited millions from my maternal great-great-great grandfather who was one of the original French owners of some of the land acquired during the Louisiana Purchase. (I’m not even French.)

Viva la Rumor!