Must I Suffer To Be Beautiful?

Despite Kuj’s encouragement (“’Tis better to have Botox-ed and lost, than to never have Botox-ed at all….”), I decided to go Bare Minerals. I figured it was a less dramatic update to my skin than Botox or a skin peel. Not that I won’t consider those in the future, especially if wine and peer pressure are involved. And when I do, Cheryl, you are IN for the group discount! (And don't even get me started on my own attempt at a Halle Barre "pixie" hair cut. For months I looked like I'd recently moved to this country from Chernobyl....) However, at the moment I will go the conservative route while I further investigate Botox, Rejuvex, and skin peels. (I guess that droopy eyelid thing has made me a little wary....)

Here is how THE ROAD TO GORGEOUS was supposed to go:
Step One: Convince my husband that he must sit with the kids while I run to Ulta.
Step Two: Locate Bare Minerals Starter Kit.
Step Three: Purchase said kit.
Step Four: Become Gorgeous.

Here is how THE ROAD TO GORGEOUS actually went:

• Started to convince husband that he needed to watch both children while I ran to Ulta but was interrupted by three year old begging for chocolate milk.
• Got chocolate milk.
• Started to convince husband again but was interrupted by three year old asking for diced peaches.
• Got diced peaches.
• Started to convince husband again but found husband was putting laundry in washing machine. NEVER interrupt a husband doing laundry. Never.
• Cleaned up spilled chocolate milk while waiting for husband.
• Cleaned up spilled peaches.
• Convinced husband to watch both children…as long as he could go to bathroom first.
• Waiting.
• Waiting.
• Waiting.
• Wrote bran cereal for husband on grocery list.
• Waiting.
• Husband out of bathroom!
• In car. Going to Ulta!
• Need gas.
• Got gas. Is front headlight out?
• Front headlight is out. Don’t care. Going to Ulta.
• Park near Ulta. Briefly debate whether to run down the block to DSW or just go to Ulta. Decide shoe shopping must wait until after I am gorgeous. Have a moment of silence in respect for the many lonely pairs of lovely shoes that must go without my gentle touch. May they find good homes.
• In Ulta.
• Bare Minerals Starter Kit is ON SALE!
• Buy kit.
• Scurry to car giddy with impending gorgeousness.
• Notice there is a Trader Joe’s here, too. Have heard good things about Trader Joe’s. Vow to return in near future. Must go become gorgeous.
• Drive towards home.
• Pulled over by police officer. Informed headlight is out. Fake shock and gratitude. Let go with warning. Nearly pee my pants.
• Home. Notice husband is sweating with effort of entertaining infant and three year old. Ignore this in order to wash face and prep for gorgeousness.
• Open kit. There’s a DVD??
• Figure application can’t be that hard and proceed on my way to gorgeousness.
• Figure wrong. Application is hard. Look like a peach. Not “peachy.” An actual peach. Skin feels weird. I have waaaaaaaay over-applied the make-up.
• Realize I will have to watch DVD. Wash face. Gorgeousness will apparently take study and homework. Crap.
• Husband asks if I can give him a hand. Ugh! Gorgeousness must wait. So close….
• Drag diaper bag in living room, stick in DVD, change baby while learning how to be gorgeous.
• Swap children with husband. Take three year old in bathroom with me to distract him from rolling in pile of freshly laundered and folded clothes. Begin to reapply make up.
• Realize one should NEVER allow a three year old to see one use make up brushes. Brushes are much too tempting to three year olds.
• Wrestle three year old for brushes. Lose battle. Chase three year old down hall to recover brushes before they are flushed down toilet in other bathroom.
• Bait and switch brushes with Thomas the Tank Engine draw bridge toy. Learned this maneuver from twelve years baiting and switching multiple items with golden retriever. (Okay, and a little baiting and switching with hubby, too.)
• Decide getting gorgeous is h-a-r-d. Have a sudden greater appreciation for Angelina Jolie. This process needs to wait until tomorrow. Too tired to be gorgeous. Need sustenance and a massage. And wine. Lots and lots of wine….