Oh, No, She Di' int!

My dear, dear, dear friend Kuj (the one who vociferously called me out as a Catholic when I accidentally threw the offering basket in the middle of a Lutheran service—see the mid-June post “Offering. Basket.”) got a red dot on Hawaii. This means someone in the Hawaiian Islands has looked at her blog and a red dot has appeared on her Cluster Map. She is taunting me with this. Giving me a blog-razzberry, if you will. If we were drunken frat brothers standing before a metaphorical urinal, Kuj would point, laugh, and say hers is bigger than mine. Then, she’d probably very loudly tell the other frat brothers that I’m Catholic.

In short, Kuj has thrown a Cluster Map gauntlet, and she wants me to pick it up.

Now, I could get all medieval about this. I could stew over my “teeny weeny” Cluster Map; perhaps let the competitive bug bite me and rev myself up into a tizzy of international blog advertising. I could defensively point out my own cool Cluster Map dots. I could get on the horn, randomly call Hawaiian Hotels (I mean, they have 800-numbers. Might as well save on those long distance rates, eh?), and falsely tell the reservationist that my travel schedule is located on my blog, hoping to get a few hits. Oooh—better! I could run naked through a sports event carrying a banner reading: pacifiersandprada.blogspot.com! After all, remember how much press that Janet Jackson nipple baring at the Super Bowl wrought? My lily white apple-heiny has to be worth at least a quarter of that air time. (Besides, I have an odd looking mole on the left cheek, which is sure to garner me some TiVo playback.)

But, my mole is safe. (Not to mention the peaceful sleep of tens upon tens of 4-5 year old T-Ballers because that’s the only sports event I regularly attend.) I will leave the gauntlet tickling my tootsies. There are three reasons for this:

1. The March 29th post entitled “The Six Degrees of Un-Separation” detailed my conviction that the universe will bring me red dots in every state and country because I didn’t get to go on a spring break vacation and won’t be able to go on a summer vacation. I believe in you, Universe. I won’t let a little gauntlet throwing shake my belief that I can virtually see the world from my laptop.
   
2. I have recently begun reading a book about how the ego/rivalry is the root of most conflicts. It’s ruined me for competitive sports and gauntlet throwing.
   
3. Kuj left a BIG pile of books here the last time she visited, and no matter how much she mocks me, I will STILL have ALL of her books. And she wants them. Badly. Heh, heh, heh. (She laughed maniacally, dangling a Ray Bradbury over a pot of boiling water while her left eye twitches uncontrollably.)

Thus, I will turn the other cheek (The one without the oddly shaped mole.), and I will leave the gauntlet thrown. So, mock me if you will, Kuj. I can take it. The same way I took your Way of the Samurai, The 100 People Who Have Screwed Up America, and The Sex Lives of Cannibals. Mu-wah-ha-ha!!