“A slice of hell.”
These are the words my sister-in-law and brother-in-law used to describe their camping experience. I feel too bad for them to mention that we all predicted this catastrophe long before the camper’s wheels touched highway concrete, so I won’t. I mean, hey, even I tried camping once. Just once.
Among the items lost on the trip:
One CD and CD player. (These belonged to my youngest nephew. He proudly made these purchases less than twenty-four hours prior to their loss with his own funds. The CD and CD player were dropped on the way back to the car after a fireworks display. The darkness and thousands of spectators prevented him from locating the lost items. Many tears were shed, which I can totally appreciate. For my youngest nephew, this is comparable to when my PARKED car was hit less than twenty-four hours after I drove it off the lot. I feel your pain, little man.)
24 hours. (This is how long the skies POURED on the camper, necessitating a family of four huddling inside something roughly the size of a broom closet.)
Michelle’s sanity. (The entire family, Michelle included, testifies to her break from reality the morning after being trapped in the camper for an entire day during a near-cyclone. )
Three hours. (This is the time it took them to prepare to go to the beach, leave their campsite, drive to the beach, search for a parking spot on the busiest 4th of July beach-going day in the history of 4th of July’s, circle around and around the beach parking lots, eventually give up, and return to the camper hot and parched.)
Hemoglobin. (Mutant Michigan Mosquitoes descended upon Michelle, et al. The entire family now looks strangely pale, like a gaggle of vampires nearly sucked them dry, which is essentially what happens when one is accosted by mutant Michigan mosquitoes.)
Pride. (When one is forced to use the night woods as a lavatory and pee by the light of one’s headlights, I think it is safe to say that one’s pride goes MIA.)
I think Michelle may need a little cheering up. Frothy, fruity drinks with miniature umbrellas may be in order until her shock over the entire camping catastrophe wears off. After all, what are sisters-in-law for if not to liberate you through libation after a particularly nasty brush with the great outdoors?
In the meantime, we may as well start praying for my dear friend Lauren. Lauren decided at the last minute to pack up her 5 year old, 2 year old, and mother and DRIVE to New Orleans to visit a friend.
Drive.
With her mother, with whom she argues on even the good days.
And two children under six.
For TWO SOLID DAYS.
During what is arguably one of the hottest months of the year.
Is it just me, or does this sound like the premise of a Tennessee Williams play??
Again, I better keep the cell on the nightstand. No good can come from this. Somehow I just know she’ll be calling….
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2 comments:
If you're referring to your one camping attempt as the time when the Honor Society Window Licker Van broke down on the way home from Indiana Dunes (can't remember if it was Chris' or Dan's vehicle), that wasn't it. That was the ghetto. ...wait..same thing. Never mind.
As a favor to my mom, I rode down to Atlanta IN A MINIVAN (shudder) with my mom's friend and two recently house-broken children. Somewhere around Tennessee (no offense, Mom O' Trish), I started offering the woman money to re-diaper her teeny-tiny bladdered children the remainder of the trip. Instead, she decided to drive erratically through the mountains, thereby ensuring the vomit comet would have an effect on one of the children. And very nearly me. Fun.
Kuj,
Being stranded on the side of a highway and camping have a lot in common; too much perspiration, tempers flaring due to too much perspiration, lack of proper toilet facilities, and general misery are among the similarities. I shudder just thinking about it.
Atlanta trip in minivan with small children: you have my pity. I learned my lesson when I took my one year old to Mexico. Never. Again. The Vomit Comet, like Haley's Comet, can be counted on arriving at certain times. And it ALWAYS cometh when traveling with toddlers.
ALWAYS.
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