Outsourcing: It's Not Just For Call Centers Anymore...*

Okay, okay! Apparently I AM the only one who has ever had an embarrassing teenage moment. Nice. And I, alone in my humiliation, just shared the story with the world, ripping off the scab that had formed over the years and exposing my shame afresh. That’s not awkward…much. (Though I KNOW there is at least ONE person out there who has suffered a crippling purple nurple at the hands of her high school boyfriend, but I won’t reveal her name…KUJ.)

It’s also for husbands!**

Me: Honey, did you mow the lawn like you said you would?

Scott: I was going to, but I couldn’t get the kids to go down for their naps while you were at class.

Me: A-huh. I see. (sigh.) Unfortunately, it is my responsibility to inform you that you are being outsourced.

Scott: What?

Me: I’m sorry, but we are going to have to replace you. Look at it this way: You are overqualified for the job. We can’t afford your hourly wage. In short, I’m afraid we are going to have to go with someone else.

Scott: I don’t understand….

Me: Thank you for your interest in our lawn, but we are going to have to go a different way on this. I have a bottom line to look at here and, frankly, you just aren’t meeting your performance goals. Perhaps you’ll find some luck in the hedge trimming field? In any case, you are being outsourced for the duration of the season.

Scott: Huh. Hmmm. You are either being really, really good to me or incredibly mean. Which is it?

Me: (kiss) Happy anniversary, darling!

Scott: (nuzzle) Mmmmm-mmmmm.... I pick really, really nice…. (snuggle, snuggle)

Me: (giggle) Oooo-oooooh.... Thank you....

Scott: I know what we can do with the time I save NOT mowing the lawn.... (nuzzle, nuzzle)

Me: So do I! Those gutters aren’t going to clean themselves, and the garage needs to be cleaned. Chop chop!

Scott: (grumbling and walking away) I knew there was a catch….

Me: Love you, honey!


I have found more and more often that, though my significant other is well intentioned, he is too preoccupied to get most of his “I’m-going-to-get-to-that-this-weekend” list done. It’s not that he MEANS to make empty promises; he’s just busy with other things. Enter: Outsourcing.

Thank you, Tomasillo’s Lawn Care. The last guy just wasn’t working out.


*My mother works at a call center. If you are facing call center pressures, my heart goes out to you.

**And, honey, if you are thinking of outsourcing any of MY duties, go right ahead! Anything OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM is up for grabs. I am particularly adverse to laundry, so if there is a service that does that, GO FOR IT!!