L.L.Bean Me Over The Head Before I Do Something Stupid

This addiction I have to reality television is getting out of hand. People who care about me should perform an intervention. (And if they don’t know how to do it, there is a reality show called Intervention that would provide a good model. You see how addicted I am??)

The sooner this intervention takes place, the better because my favorite “big family” show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, has me actually considering purchasing a tent and camping out in the backyard with the boys when the weather becomes warm. Someone help me. Please.

The rational part of my brain screams that this urge is absolutely ridiculous. I am not a camper. My Michael Kors heels get stuck in the grass and my lip gloss attracts bees. But something inside me is whispering that if a family with eight young children can do it, I could do it, right? They made it look so cozy when they roasted marshmallows in their little backyard fire pit, played with glow sticks, and cuddled up in their sleeping bags. The whole episode smacked of “making family memories.”

Here’s what I see our family memories looking like: The minute a mosquito stings Scott, he will scream like a girl and run around blindly swatting at the air with his fists; I will end up getting a rash from the grass; Joshua will stay awake all night, clinging to my side and asking what each noise is; Noah will eat a great deal of sand out of the sandbox; and the raccoons that tore apart a bag of garbage last fall will eat our faces off while we sleep in revenge for depriving them of sustenance by firmly locking our garbage bins.

Still, why am I contemplating purchasing the grass-friendly Kors wedges instead of heeled sandals this summer??

Seriously, an intervention is needed. I’ll bring the wine.