What Platelets and Semen Will Get You

As long as this exterior remodel of our house has led me to reevaluate my financial goals, I figure I may as well start a therapy fund for the boys. Let’s face it, there’s no way they are going to reach adulthood without some major blow to their psyches--probably because of something I did. I may as well start stock piling for the inevitable analyst fees now. I mean, one of them is sure to have a foot fetish because they always accompany me while I shoe-hunt. Josh, at age four, already has definite opinions about shoe wear. Lately, he has favored his snow boots. Yes, I know it is August, but he is insistent that nothing completes his mini-soccer ensemble like a pair of puffy, black snow boots. Laugh if you will, but I am convinced that this is how Uggs started. (That? Right there? Is a foot fashion I have never understood. I’m fairly certain that Ugg is short for “ugly.” If you own a pair, I’d love to know what drew you to them because they fall into the realm of “fashion mystery” to me.)

Speaking of mysteries, I recently stumbled across a show on Discovery called Medical Mysteries. It is a documentary series about people who have strange symptoms that their doctors either misdiagnose or can’t seem to diagnose. The premise of each episode typically involves an afflicted patient going from doctor to doctor-- often for months-- getting progressively worse with new, unexplained symptoms until one is absolutely sure the patient is going to die. Finally, the nearly dead patient ends up being seen by some doctor who puts all of the pieces of the puzzle together at the last possible moment and figures the whole thing out, saving the near-comatose person. The problem, of course, is that I end up thinking I have all of the bizarre illnesses identified on the show. To date, I am suffering from an out of control thyroid, an infection of my arterial walls, and a leak of my spinal fluid. I’m even half convinced my prostate is enlarged. Clearly, I cannot watch any more medical shows or I may grow testicles and they will become critically inflamed.

However, one good thing did come out of watching Mystery Diagnosis. One of the patients was wearing a pair of great looking Frye boots. I think they are Frye Villager lace ups. They aren’t this season, but they do have a certain classic appeal. Take a look and see what you think. If I were suffering from a rare, unexplained illness, I do hope I would be carried into the ER wearing something along these lines paired with an almost knee-length A-line skirt and chunky silver jewelry.

When Scott gets back from donating his blood and semen (Cheryl!), I may have to send him out to contribute more hemoglobin so’s I can gets me a pair of these!