I don’t know how my husband puts up with it. I am doing a reconnaissance mission in Target to capture a toy my four year old has longed for “my whole entire life.” (The entire four years minus the many months when he just lay there, drooling, unaffected by marketing campaigns and consumerism.) It will take me two minutes to scout the toy department, locate my objective, and complete the operation while my husband circles the parking lot with the kids. The next thing I know—my cell phone is jingling in my pocket.
My husband.
“You’ve been in Target for 55 minutes.
The kids are gnawing through their car seat straps.
Where.
Are.
You?”
Oh, Target! I have fallen victim to your siren song yet again. I should be tied to my wallet like Odysseus to his ship’s mast. Alas, I have been allowed to roam toward your red bull’s-eye unencumbered by children or spouse. Like ancient sailors, I am enraptured by the sweet strains of (holiday) music (piped through your big box). And by lots and lots of crap I don’t need.
Adult-sized cloud-patterned footy pajamas!
Scarves made of sparkly material!
A wooden Christmas train!
Candles scented like pomegranates! (I didn’t even know pomegranates had a smell!)
A plaid jacket! (In a different color than the plaid jacket I already own!!)
Throw pillows that match my comforter!
A fuzzy throw for cold nights!
A lamp for that dark corner!
And, just like that, I am sucked in. My AmEx starts to twitch in my purse. Things that I would normally scoff at (pine cones hot glued to Styrofoam pyramids and spray painted red), suddenly take on an artistic flair. How have I lived this long without that Lifestyles cd?? Wouldn’t that copper star with the mini lights look great on our tree?? You know what I really need on my coffee table? A bunch of balls covered in straw!
And I rush to the check-out line, carrying the detritus of my mania.
Never have I gotten out of Target spending less than $100. Never. I urge you to try to do it. I half-suspect there would be an “under $100” surcharge added to your bill.
And the copper star? It didn’t even work! Now I have to take it back. And you know what that means….
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3 comments:
Where have you been young lady? And, I'm not falling for that "I was trapped in Target" story! :)
I LOVE TARGET. Trish, you have to go more often. That way you don't feel the need to roam down every aisle picking up all the crap you don't need. This is what you do. After Christmas, plan a day to go to Target to LOOK at everything. Leave your purse at home. Does your target have a Starbucks? Bring $5 to buy a coffee and then walk every aisle. But since you don't have your purse, you can't buy anything. It's called SHOPPING not BUYING. Shopping equals looking. You don't tell your husband, "Scott, I'm going buying." Of course, buying is good. But, since I go to Target all the time, sometimes I go 3 or 4 times a week. So, I do make it out without a $100 purchase some days but they know I'm going to be back!
It's been eons since I spent $100 at Target. But I will routinely go there and waste a bunch of time looking at everything in the store (Oh the automotive section! I might need a stick on rearview mirror, you never know. And look! it's right next to the flower section! I wonder if they have any deals on vases!). Somehow I manage to not buy anything though.
Also, Welcome back. you've been missed.
Finally! I was beginning to think you fell off the desk in your classroom, broke your scapula, and were living in a medicated bliss that prohibited your fingertips connecting with the keyboard. Now I know you were just shopping. Makes sense to me, as you know.
No, I have never left Target for less than $100 out of pocket expense. I even buy clothes there from time to time--which I refer to as disposable clothes since it would cost more money to launder them than to wear them and immediately discard.
But, the true love of my shopping life is Wal-Mart. So what if they send all their work to China? So what if they exploit the aging population of our country by hiring them with promises of benefits, and then cut their hours to just below the benefit requirement? So what if everything people say about them is true...I love Wal-Mart. I can never get out of there under less than $200!!!!
So what if I am shallow??? I really NEEDED that reindeer nose that lights up when you move. In fact, I needed five of them.
Can I have your mailing address please? I think a reindeer nose would become you.
Sue G
www.caringbridge.org/visit/sueguenther
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