I may be going through withdrawal.
I have a headache and am perpetually annoyed by everyone around me. One of my coworkers said good morning, and it was all I could do to keep from grabbing him by the throat and screaming, “Good morning?? I ate organic oatmeal for breakfast, which means someone else is eating my Starbucks scone! MY scone! Mine!” (Apparently part of fast food withdrawal involves regressing to the mentality of a two year old.)
In short, day two is going as well as can be expected. I just hope the “Oooooh-I-feel-so-healthy-and-full-of-energy” phase one of my hale and hearty coworkers keeps talking about kicks in soon or someone may be in danger. Probably said coworker. The poor healthy dear.
Healthy eating has proved to be more of a challenge than I anticipated. The increase in water consumption keeps me running to the bathroom once an hour. This leaves me one ill-timed sneeze away from utter disaster. Further, I have sacrificed my quick and easy morning scone for exploding oatmeal and my daily cheeseburgers/fries for low-fat casseroles/naval oranges.
Speaking of naval oranges….
Um, hello? Orange growers? Want to increase sales, like, a thousand percent? Cross breed an orange with a zipper. Or an orange with a ziplock. You may even want to try Velcro. I broke a nail trying to gain access to the fleshy portion of my naval orange. Healthy eaters should not have to suffer so. My nails and my healthy coworker’s life are in your hands, orange growers. Let’s put a wiggle in citrus genetic mutations, shall we?
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10 comments:
Just say no to healthy eating! You've gone overboard. Baby steps. Can't you hear Starbuck's calling you? "Trish! I made a scone just for you! Come back, Trish."
Life's too short.
An orange zipper! I love it!
I know. I'm not helping.
What are you doing, Cheryl? Systematically trying to destroy me??
I kid, I kid.... I wouldn't be trying to eat healthier if it weren't for two things:
1. I have been really, really tired lately (more than the usual working mom of two small children fatigue I am used to), and Scott pointed out that my chocolate diet consisting primarily of M&M's and Dove chocolate squares may be partially to blame.
2. By preparing healthier meals, I will save money that I used to spend eating out. Saving money has taken on a new urgency since the home remodel has sucked away my shoe fund. Plus, I don't want to mention any names, but SOMEONE (Cheryl) got me addicted to massages.
I take that back-- you ARE trying to systematically destroy me!
Baby steps. Sure! Cook those healthy meals for dinner and take the leftovers in for lunch but cutting out the Starbucks scone? Really? That's just crazy talk. It's all about balance.
So, you're extra tired? I remember those days...stressed to the max wondering how I was going to pay for a divorce (thank you Daddy), make ends meet, being woken up at 3am by a crying child and not being able to go back to sleep from the worry.
If you got divorced you could have every other weekend off and sleep. Well, that's not good advice. Strike that. Sorry Scott.
I think it's normal and this too shall pass. Or, it could be a tumor.
And NO! I'm not trying to destroy you! Whose blog would I read?
Healthy eating 101: Eat the package of ramen AS SOUP, instead of dry and out of the package.
As Cheryl says, baby steps.
Dude, I have so many many comments.
1. How are you blogging at work?
2. HEALTHY EATING?!?! Are you insane?
3. See number 2.
4. See number 3.
I don't know WHY you would listen to your husband's advice. Chocolate and scones are NEEDED items in ones diet. Healthy eating. Bah! Don't count on that when you go out with the Lemke's. We are all about the fat...just take a look at my liver.
Don't become an organic whole foods nut job Trish
I , too , am attempting the oatmeal in the a.m., but at home (er, uh, or, cold while driving into work in the car). I find that a quick squeeze of chocolate syrup when it's cooling/setting really helps make it more palatable. This also works with a myriad of vegetables, cooked and raw. As for the oranges, eat the rind. I'm sure it's loaded with more yummy nutrition, and actually burns many calories through the chewing process.
SO>>long live healthy eating! Just make it work for your diet and tastes!
p.s. I has no idea so much pending violence lurked the halls at work now. You ARE still sucking caffine, I hope.
Hey Trish,
I love your orange/zipper idea because that's one of the main reasons I too don't like to eat healthy, it's a PITA. But, I have to tell you about one of my favorite kitchen gadgets. It's this plastic thing a little larger than a straw and you stick it in the navel of the orange and go around the entire orange making 4 sections then you use the other end to stick in there to get the peeling process started and it saves your nails. It's a WONDERFUL invention and I'd highly recommend getting one. WAY less expensive than the manicure.....
http://www.dollarnights.com/i272827-wholesale-plastic-citrus-peeler-2pk.html
Heb
I too hate peeling oranges...ewww yuck!
Wish I couldhu ate like that I am so fuckinging fat damnit. You seem like a bad bitch doing that. Bitch never use first names.
Sorry about the post above my daughter gets crazy sometimes. I am really sorry. Eating healthy is a good idea. I think I am going to do it. I do not have a blog or anything but my daughter(teenager) is always browsing crazy stuff. Agian I am so sorry.
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